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Fixing A Bad Relationship

Fighting all the time? Bored as hell (even with the sex)? Spending more and and more time alone? Yup, we’ve been there. And, chances are, your partner is going through the same thing.
Relationship ruts are normal alongside a changing dynamic. As you move from wanting to tear their clothes off every day to a calmer, more regular part of the relationship, the adjustment process isn’t without bumps.
However, the fact that ruts are a natural result of progressing relationships doesn’t make them easier to digest — they’re frustrating, abrasive, and can even turn toxic if people don’t address and work through them.
While there’s plenty to think about, sometimes, simply refreshing the vibe can be enough to put things on the right track again.
That’s why we’ve gathered together a big ol’ list of ways to jump start a fizzling relationship.



Boredom is a creeping menace in a relationship that can slowly disarm all the fun parts. Plus, it’s comfortable, and it often doesn’t feel worth turning into an argument, so you may not start to address boredom until it’s too late.

1. Try (exciting!) new activities
It goes without saying that sharing activities and memories is key to maintaining a relationship. But doing the same things all the time can become repetitive and tedious. Stave off the blahs by trying new and exhilarating activities together. Take a weekend trip somewhere you’ve never been, rent an eScooter and zip around your nearest city (if they’re legal there), go and get a couples massage, try ice skating for the first time — whatever it is, make sure it’s novel, exciting, and collaborative. And don’t be afraid to get goofy! Silly memories are keepers too. We bet you don’t reminisce together about that time you were really good at ice skating, put it that way. And you needn’t leave the house! Cook dinner naked (unless you have a street-facing kitchen window), play “the floor is lava,” or practice your hide-and-seek skills. Playing together very often supports staying together. Still at a loss for ideas? Try reflecting on exciting things you did together in the beginning of the relationship and recreate those experiences or revisit the location where you met. Even taking a stroll down memory lane will spark a wanderlust that inspires you. Unless you met somewhere boring, like the office.
2. Create a “Couple’s Bucket List” Work together to create a list of things you want to do together as a couple, without the “excitement” requirement. Not everything has to be an insane adrenalin rush. Sometimes, it’s best to embrace the boring — it doesn’t mean that the everyday can’t still nourish and connect the two of you. Maybe you make a promise to cook dinner together once a week (naked or otherwise), form a little book club together where you read the same thing and chat about it, or start a home workout together. Perhaps you could even get a pet. Then choose three items from the list and tackle them over the next 3 months. Having goals as a couple means you can grow together without needing constant stimulation. Goals also help you keep bad habits at bay.
3. Kick screens out of the bedroom There’s absolutely nothing wrong with snuggling up and watch trash TV together. However, you need a screen-free haven in your home in which you can really connect with each other. So it might as well be where you sleep and bang. Ditch the screens, laptops, tablets, and phones, and pay attention to each other instead. Mindless scrolling engages nothing except the shares of social media companies. Even if it’s just a conversation about the news of the day, or what’s going on with your partner’s family, stay curious about your partner. 4. Make mini dates Too busy for a weekly date night? Try eating breakfast together, meeting for lunch, or designating 20 minutes every evening to chat uninterrupted — no distractions allowed. Special time together feels special, even if it involves really mundane activities like eating bagels. 5. Communicate about each other’s needs
It’s always better to put difficult topics out there for discussion.
Bottling up resentments and holding grudges can mess with how happy you are in the relationship and in yourself.Trusted Source
Plus, when a relationship isn’t meeting one or both of your emotional and sexual needs, the chances of infidelity and dissatisfaction go up, according to earlier research from 2006.Trusted Source
It’s super important to let your partner know when they’re falling short of expectations or that the relationship isn’t how you’d like it to be. However, presenting this in an open, calm manner and listening to your partner’s feelings are essential for ensuring this doesn’t escalate.

6. Identify what you like about each other
Years into a relationship, you can sometimes be so used to a person’s positive traits that they fall into the background a little, pushing the quirks and irritations to the fore.
It’s important to regularly express appreciation through positive feedback. Constant negativity seems a lot more natural during a phase of regular fights. But actively deciding to break that cycle can help the two of you repair the dynamic.
Challenge yourself to sit down and make a list of things you like about your partner. Then share them. (If it becomes too much of a challenge, you may need to ask yourself why you’re in the relationship at all.)
You should like and appreciate each other as people, even if you sometimes operate at cross-purposes. It’s always best to come back to that.

7. Work out together
Not only does a duel sweat-blasting session increase workout motivation, it can also improve couples’ communication. It’s also fun and makes you feel good.
If you’re both feeling great about yourselves, you’re less likely to get into the headspace where you start arguing.
Get started with these kick-ass exercises to try together.

8. Talk through problems with people outside the relationship
You may feel that your business is your business and no one else needs to know that you’re fighting with your partner. But fresh perspective could give you ideas you didn’t consider and approaches to try that could smooth over the problems.
It’s easy for couples to get stuck in the same old fight patterns behind closed doors. So find someone you trust to help you break that pattern. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to family or a friend, then seek the help of therapist.
This gives you both a shot at changing the outcome of the conflict.
Friends can break up with you too, and it hurts equally. Be sure to share important shit with the ones you have.

9. If you live together, share household chores evenly
This is a huuuuuuuuge kicker. When you’re first getting with someone, you’re hardly thinking “Ooh, yes, their washing up technique is so good, they’re going to be so useful around the home later on in life…”
But when the exciting bits subside a little, and you start to share responsibilities, there may well be a push-and-pull when it comes to who does what.
Unequal distribution of chores can trigger all manner of arguments. Even if you aren’t tackling the same chores, make sure you’re sharing the workload.

Also, work out what your partner is comfortable or skilled at doing. You might be a DIY expert but never have successfully used a washing machine without shrinking everything — so stick to what you’re good at.
If you can learn a thing or two about chores you didn’t previously know, that’s great. But sticking to your strengths isn’t a problem, so long as you both get sh*t done.

10. Bounce back after a bust-up
Handling disagreements well — by, for example, practicing forgiveness and avoiding judgment — predicts more positive emotions and satisfaction in the relationship.Trusted Source
It’s less important to solve the conflict than it is to treat each other well, even if there’s no solution to be found. Yes, it’s corny, but sometimes you will have to agree to disagree. Ugh.
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