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How to Fight Fair

Arguments happen in all relationships. It’s part of the process of socializing and bonding with others, especially those you wish to keep close to you. Disagreements are the doorway to greater understanding and deeper love for others.

However, many people do not know how to disagree in a way that leads to more intimacy. Oftentimes people get stuck in their position during a fight, and through this, create a distance between them and their loved ones.

How to Fight Fair

Learning how to fight fair is an art. Like any art, one has to practice it in order to perfect it. To do so, one has to remember certain key points.

Before engaging in any disagreement, ask yourself if it is worth it to be right. Many conflicts start with small matters that, upon reflection, do not make a significant difference in the big picture of that relationship. It’s good to reflect whether or not it’s worth investing the time, energy and emotions in the issue.

Choose your battles carefully. If you must take the effort to disagree, it’s best to be clear about what the object of the conflict is. Remember, you will be inflicting pain in order to take a stand for something. Ask yourself if the issue is something you can’t let go of later.

When you fight, be valid, constructive and respectful. Make your point without sacrificing the relationship you worked hard to create and maintain. Do it in a way that if the roles were reversed, you would be able to hear the message if it were told to you.

Be ready to apologize, even if you have done nothing wrong. The idea behind the apology is to bridge the gap conflicts create, not to admit defeat. It can be hard to swallow one’s pride when saying sorry, but consider the consequences if you don’t, and the rewards if you do. An undeserved apology, if it brings you close to others, is worth more than being right and ending up alone.

Stay honest and on point with yourself and others. Oftentimes arguments are obscured by mudslinging and finger pointing. The major issue behind the fight is lost in your effort to be right. Be objective about what you are trying to say to others. Also, stay detached from the emotions projected by others, and listen to the point they are putting across.

Most importantly, admit when you have made a mistake. This is by far one of the hardest things to do during an argument. In the heat of the moment, your sense of self-righteousness gets bigger. If you don’t check your ego, it will defeat the purpose of the argument, which is to bring you closer to others. When you admit making a mistake, you keep yourself humble, and in doing so, bridge the gap that appears during a fight. It also gives you and others the opportunity to change, and improve your relationships.

Wishing you all the best in your relationships!

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