top of page

Love Doesn't Hurt

All of us have this notion that love hurts. It’s written in the songs we hear. It’s on the stories we read. It’s on the movies we watch. We always associate love with pain. But today, I would like to change the mindset of those who expect love to be painful. The truth is love doesn’t hurt. It isn’t supposed to hurt.

It is having a person who doesn’t know how to love us that hurts. Abuse, rejection, loneliness, and losing someone hurts, but never love. Love takes away our pain. Love is the greatest remedy this world has ever known. It feels good and you know when it’s right.

I’m not saying that there is a perfect relationship, but feeling pain when you are in love with someone, isn’t what you meant to sign up for. Let’s just not define love as pain and sacrifice. Love is essential for self-growth, and many times our lovers come to teach us how to fall in love with our own self. Many times the “pain” we feel has more to do with our own inner wounds, rather than what our lover does.

Do you love yourself enough to accept only love into your life? Emotions are an unmistakable inner guidance system. There is no “good” and “bad” emotions. There is resonance and dissonance, which is necessary for inner growth and soul-alignment. Without emotional changes, we wouldn’t be able to appreciate the good without the bad. This is the process of soul evolution.

We all need to be loved and will never outgrow it. There may be few who would deny it but it is human nature that we all desire to love and be loved. Unless you’re very lucky, finding true love or the right partner seems to be the most difficult quest in life. Why is it so hard to find the right person for us? Does he need to be our source of happiness or just a supplementary? Is there a checklist or set of rules to follow?

This may sound cliché to some but I believe it is worth reminding my clients that they are the ones responsible for their happiness. The first secret to happiness is falling in love with yourself. A person who is happy from within radiates beauty that attracts a potential partner who is also the same. A person who is meeting his or her personal needs first is capable to love others fully. When you meet the right person for you, this person is someone who enhances your experience, not the whole experience!

As I mentioned, loving yourself is a prerequisite in a relationship. We all tend to know how we want to be loved, but have you ever asked yourself what kind of love do you give back to your partner? Do you love your partner in ways they want to be loved? Love is expressed in all sorts of different ways. Most of the time, the “problem” is that a lover doesn’t give us what we want, but our partners aren’t expected to know what we exactly want. You learn each other’s expressions of love while being in a relationship. So it’s important to be open to share and take notice of even the small details of what excites and makes them smile.

While love makes us happier and stronger, being in a relationship with someone we love makes us a vulnerable human because we lay our hearts open to this person. The act of showing vulnerability, expressing our needs and wants, isn’t a sign of weakness but courage. Sharing our innermost thoughts and feelings with our loved ones gives us risks of feeling rejected, disappointed, ignored, misunderstood, taken for granted, or worse unreciprocated. Do we blame love for this? No. Love doesn’t hurt. What hurts us is that we are looking for love at the wrong places.

If you constantly feel bad in a relationship, it is time to step back and read the signs that your connection with this person is no longer moving forward. Are you stuck in a toxic or abusive relationship? Are you with an emotionally unavailable, narcissistic partner? Have you felt that you lost your self-identity? Remember that self-love first is required to be in a functional, fulfilling relationship.

Love, Light and Healing,


6 views0 comments


bottom of page