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Am I Smothering My Other Half?

So, you fell in love with somebody who you think is absolutely wonderful and you have been going out of your way initiating conversation, but they just haven’t been receptive. They finally tell you that you are “too much” this or that, and you don’t know how to deal with it. If they say you are too much into comic books, too plus sized, too athletic, too much into going out to eat with your friends group, too reserved, or whatever they say you are too much of, it can be very hurtful. Is it possible to be TOO much the way you are?

None of us are perfect, and we could all improve something. However, is somebody telling you that your natural personality is “too much” about imperfections, or is it an outright overly critical way to cut somebody down? Can you be “too” one way? How often should you initiate contact? Is it possible that he is “the one” and he just needs time to accept that, and can you be too available to people? What should you do when these issues arise?

Am I Too Opinionated?

If “She has a strong character” is something people have said about you all of your life, don’t be surprised if some people find you intimidating. Some people may, on the other hand insist you become “more outgoing” if you call yourself an introvert. If you grew up plus sized, maybe you were told to diet, and if you grew up thin, you may have been teased for being “too skinny.” That still doesn’t make you “too much” or “too little” of anything just because some people say so.

One battle that rages is whether you “should” be an introvert or an extrovert, and a lot of people have a lot to say about this. An extrovert is defined by Merriam-Webster online as someone who is outgoing or gregarious. It says an extrovert is “ a person whose personality is characterized by extroversion: a typically gregarious and unreserved person who enjoys and seeks out social interaction.” Introverts are defined as “ a person whose personality is characterized by introversion: a typically reserved or quiet person who tends to be introspective and enjoys spending time alone.”

Initiating Conversation

There are no hard and fast rules for which of you should call the other first, and who is to give invitations to get together, but if you are the only one initiating contact and invitations, and your new friend or love interest is either “too busy” to talk or get together, or simply never responds or gets back with you, it’s a sure sign they are not interested. You have done your part to begin the relationship, and they have not been receptive. No answer is often an answer, and they are probably saying “No” to a relationship with you if they are not answering you. The only thing you can do in this situation is to simply leave them alone.

Don’t worry, though, because if they truly are very busy, but want you in their life, they will notice your absence and reach out to you. Stepping back will give them the opportunity to open up to you, letting you know they truly want you in their lives, and take part in planning time together, even if careful planning around your schedules in needed! Giving people you love the opportunity to equally participate in the relationship instead of being solely responsible for it will give them the chance to show you how much they appreciate you and care about having you in their life. There is something else to think about in regard to this and that’s being TOO available!

When you initiate contact time and again to somebody who just isn’t receptive, you have made yourself too available to somebody who doesn’t value you or your time. To be fair, there are people all of us don’t want to be involved with, so it is acceptable that somebody else doesn’t want to be involved with us. However, one of the consequences of being too available to people who don’t want to be involved with us is it takes away from the good times we spend with the people who do love us and do want to spend time with us. Is it more important to focus on THAT individual who does not want us in our lives or the people who do?

Is He the One?

Some people hold on to hopes that somebody’s heart will change because they believe that person is the ONE they are meant to be with. Is there hidden passion he isn’t aware of yet that time will show when he said he doesn’t feel a connection? Stranger things have happened; however, do you really want to postpone your own life waiting for somebody to “come around” who flat out communicates they don’t want to be in your life? What if in the future, you do end up together? Begging him for his attention isn’t a healthy way to get him to pay attention to you. What kind of a long-term relationship could you expect if you have to fight so hard for somebody’s attention to begin with?

If he is the person you will grow old with, that means you love him. Take a step back and give him his space. In the meantime, live your own life, even if he isn’t part of it. He has chosen not to include himself, and while all relationships are two-way streets, and both people involved have the right to say yes or no to a relationship, it still hurts when somebody who you love doesn’t return the love. Nobody can deny that. Respect his right to say no, and spend time with the people who want to spend time with you instead, placing no pressure or expectations on the people who choose not to be part of your life. Don’t worry, because if they are meant to love you, they will when the time is right.

The Road to Happiness

The Universe has a plan for everybody, even people who some people think are too outspoken, too confident, too bubbly, or even too enthusiastic. On the flip side, don’t forget, there are plenty of people who chastise people for being too shy, too quiet, too studious, and too careful. Some people are never satisfied, and just want to criticize others. Sealing the deal on your happiness will entail you walking forward in life with the people who you harmonize with and who accept your beautiful personality as it is, not the people who shame you for being different than them. You are never too much or too little of anything for the right people, and don’t ever let anybody tell you differently.

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